At times I forget, I forget that I would always have a bag packed in the car, just in case we needed to go to the hospital. I forget how fragile her health was and still is, in the doctors eyes. I forget how it feels to make no real plans to go anywhere, because I was not sure we would not be in the hospital. I do remember how hard it was to plan for the future, that is still hard in some ways, but I'm getting stronger and although I can not plan on any type of set future, I do try to plan for a few things here and there. I try my best to not take a single day with Quinn for granted, and try to push that onto everyone else as well, because none of us is guaranteed a tomorrow, it's a gift, and rather then being afraid of what will be, I try to savor the moment. Tonight, putting Quinn to bed, and kissing all over her cheeks, and taking in her lovely lotion smell, and listening to her giggle as I snuggled into her neck and acted like I was going to eat her up, was the best sound I'd heard all day. Those moments I try my best not to take for granted.
Goodness, I have been reminded that is not always the case, as I've talked to friends and read friends blogs, I am reminded of those hospital visits, the urgent feelings, the fear of the unknown. I can feel that catch in my throat that I can't decide if I want to throw up or start bawling. I can remember that feeling, that moment so strongly. My heart hurts for the child, and my heart hurts for the parents. I'm praying hard tonight as some of our friends are dealing with those moments. They are the moments that make us stronger. They show us what we are made of. They break our hearts while at the same time, give us opportunities to grow, however hard that is. In some ways I'm thankful for those moments because they have made me a more rounded person, but I would not wish them on anyone. God bless my friends, and my friends friends, and blessings to us all.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
At times I forget, I forget that I would always have a bag packed in the car, just in case we needed to go to the hospital. I forget how fragile her health was and still is, in the doctors eyes. I forget how it feels to make no real plans to go anywhere, because I was not sure we would not be in the hospital. I do remember how hard it was to plan for the future, that is still hard in some ways, but I'm getting stronger and although I can not plan on any type of set future, I do try to plan for a few things here and there. I try my best to not take a single day with Quinn for granted, and try to push that onto everyone else as well, because none of us is guaranteed a tomorrow, it's a gift, and rather then being afraid of what will be, I try to savor the moment. Tonight, putting Quinn to bed, and kissing all over her cheeks, and taking in her lovely lotion smell, and listening to her giggle as I snuggled into her neck and acted like I was going to eat her up, was the best sound I'd heard all day. Those moments I try my best not to take for granted.
Goodness, I have been reminded that is not always the case, as I've talked to friends and read friends blogs, I am reminded of those hospital visits, the urgent feelings, the fear of the unknown. I can feel that catch in my throat that I can't decide if I want to throw up or start bawling. I can remember that feeling, that moment so strongly. My heart hurts for the child, and my heart hurts for the parents. I'm praying hard tonight as some of our friends are dealing with those moments. They are the moments that make us stronger. They show us what we are made of. They break our hearts while at the same time, give us opportunities to grow, however hard that is. In some ways I'm thankful for those moments because they have made me a more rounded person, but I would not wish them on anyone. God bless my friends, and my friends friends, and blessings to us all.
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